I dreamt of you

I dreamt of you last night

How you stood under a tree

And waited for me to see

I dreamt coz i saw your name

In another dame

A name i try to forget

But lives in my breath

I dreamt of you last night

And i wanted to run to you

Just to feel you

To hug you, to kiss you

To whisper " I missed you"

I dreamt of you last night

And i didn't want to wake up

For the fear of loosing you...again

hectic day ends

It's been a hectic day at work with lots of stupidities and pressures. Then there are some unwanted pressures created for the sake of irritating logical human. 

At the end of the day, after some 3 cups of coffee and a bajji, the only thing I needed was air. I was suffocating and i needed some fresh air. What a better way than a walk in the opposite direction where the Lord of Thrissur resides. While everyone visits him with prayers I went there to relax, to breathe, to absorb some sunlight and warmth of friends.

And the best end of the hectic day has been a glass of spirit, sprite and chips spent in front of the idiot box

July 1, 2022

Every year July 1st is celebrated in our bank as the bank formation day and in my district as the district formation day. This July 1st was also the same till around 11.50am.

My friend called me and informed me about a transfer order just uploaded which says that I have been transferred from the present post to that, a branch located in the heart of my town. I was happy and elevated. All this was overshadowed by the fact that i was in my car going to hospital coz my mom was having cardio issues. My prime concern was about her health. I was recieving lots of calls from my colleagues but was not able to attend. Once the doctor ruled out any serious problem i was calm and returned all the calls

Next came a call from one of my association friend/ mentor who mentioned " double dhamaka". I was not able to make any sense of it so I asked him specifically what it was and he told me that i have been rewarded for my work in the present posting. This was an extraordinary news for me and I couldn't believe it. 

My mind travelled to all the misunderstandings and problems I have faced during my tenure in this posting. The pain i endured and the sacrifices my family made but I should say if this day has come into my life it is only because I have a wonderful team with me in this branch and also all the years of mentoring i have recieved from everyone throughout my career

As I step out of this branch today I say I am lucky to have worked with some of the most wonderful geniune people who are dedicated to a common cause:

service 

Thank you team, you shall forever be a memorable posting for various reasons including this 

Mourn the living

I came across a poem by Nikita Gill about mourning the living.

Mourning is always associated to the dead but many a times to dead people. What about all the other deaths, like a dead relationship or a dead marriage or a dead thought or a dead dream

Can't we mourn those too. Why do we never do it? Why don't we revisit our relations or our thoughts or our dreams but we do revisit the memories of the dead person. We try to relive them and we enjoy it but can we revisit our dead relations and say we do enjoy it.

Quite a funny fact that both are our past. A person who is dead to the world but alive in our memories can make us bitter happy  but a person who is alive in the world and dead to us makes us bitter.

Am I prude?

Lately I notice I am loosing temper at everyone. I want things to be exactly as I wish when I wish but that's not how life works.

I am not perfect yet I want things in my life to be perfect. This is something I should never be proud about 

Am i prude?

weird

It's been weird for sometime. A feeling of melancholy. I know I should be happy but it's not the way I feel. There is a feeling of death inside me. The kind one feels when they loose a loved me. I have lost someone I love- myself. I no longer speak my mind, no longer smile nor laugh my heart out. I cant even remember the last time I had an open conversation with anyone. It seems very weird to be restricted to things you hate about yourself. I wish life was much simpler. The rain was dreamy and not disastrous. The summer was bleak and not a heat wave. The winters had snowfalls and not just cold air alone.