Am I prude?

Lately I notice I am loosing temper at everyone. I want things to be exactly as I wish when I wish but that's not how life works.

I am not perfect yet I want things in my life to be perfect. This is something I should never be proud about 

Am i prude?

weird

It's been weird for sometime. A feeling of melancholy. I know I should be happy but it's not the way I feel. There is a feeling of death inside me. The kind one feels when they loose a loved me. I have lost someone I love- myself. I no longer speak my mind, no longer smile nor laugh my heart out. I cant even remember the last time I had an open conversation with anyone. It seems very weird to be restricted to things you hate about yourself. I wish life was much simpler. The rain was dreamy and not disastrous. The summer was bleak and not a heat wave. The winters had snowfalls and not just cold air alone.